The Forgotten Victims of Abortion

Three Men Share Their Stories
 Debbie Durbin |  February 13, 2020

Three Men Share Their Stories

By Stephen Curran, Mentoring Coordinator

Many are acquainted with the emotional trauma experienced by myriads of women after an abortion, but few are aware of the pain men suffer after losing a child to abortion. Every abortion includes a father who has had a role, either active or passive. Regardless of the specific part, a man plays in the abortion decision, he is not immune to the possible after-effects including guilt, anger, grief, and powerlessness.  Men are truly the forgotten victims of abortion today. These are the firsthand accounts of three such men.

Jimmy* came to the Center with his partner for her pregnancy test, and he was excited about becoming a father. In the course of his session with a Mentor, he confided, “Three years ago when I was with a different girlfriend, we ended up pregnant. She had just started a new job and didn’t want to tell them she was having a kid, so she was thinking about an abortion. I didn’t want her to kill our baby, but she said we could have another one later when the time was better. I couldn’t talk her out of it, and she did
it. I was really upset, and we eventually broke up. After that, I started taking drugs and was addicted for two years. I’m doing OK now and have been clean for a year. It’s something I’ll never forget, feeling so powerless to protect my child.”

Leon* and his girlfriend became pregnant in high school. “I had no say in what happened; her parents took her right to an abortion clinic. After that, I didn’t want anything to do with women for over 7 years. I thought I could just get past it, but it just kept popping back up in my mind. I can’t believe I’m telling you about this; I don’t talk about it. I guess I just needed an ear.”

Jeff* and his girlfriend, Cari*, came to the Center for a pregnancy test. He was totally opposed to abortion, especially after hearing the heartbeat on the ultrasound. However, Cari still planned on terminating. In tears, he told her, “I don’t want to be that guy standing outside the abortion clinic crying, so I won’t go with you.” Cari chose a chemical abortion. “After she took the second pill at home, she started to get really scared because she felt so bad that she called me. Having a medical background, I rushed over to help. I can’t describe to you what she went through, I could write a book. She said they made it sound so easy. I tried to take care of her while she went into labor and delivered our dead baby in the shower. It was barbaric. I can’t believe they approved this drug.”

Through the course of meeting with men like these, PCE Mentors often uncover a history of post-abortion trauma and its impact on their lives. We point them to the One who offers forgiveness and healing. By encouraging, equipping and walking with men on their path to fatherhood, we aim to break the cycle of disrupted fatherhood for generations to come.

*Pseudonyms

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